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13 of the Best Books for Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers

books for daughters of narcissistic mothers
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Growing up with a narcissistic mother leads to a lot of self-work to be done when you are older. You do all this work on yourself if you do not want to be as narcissistic as your mother or if you are trying to work on the trauma of being her child. Reading books for daughters of narcissistic mothers is one of the first and most effective ways to begin on your journey of healing yourself. 

The best books for daughters of narcissistic mothers shine a light on the effects of the trauma of having a narcissistic mom. They also effectively explain the signs of narcissism so that you are able to tell if your parent was really narcissistic or not. 

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What is Narcissism?

The term was coined by Freud. He got it from the Greek mythical character Narcissus, who fell in love with his own reflection while unable to love others.  Narcissism is now seen as a personality disorder. Kohut and Kernberg came up with the term Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) in the 1960s. 

Children of mothers who suffer from this disorder face specfic problems. Generally, there are some obvious signs that a girl or woman was raised by a narcissistic mother. 

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What do narcissistic mothers do to their daughters?

Research has found that daughters of narcissistic mothers feel their “selfhood and identity” are negatively affected by their upbringing. This is because narcissistic moms will either idolize their daughters or make them feel like they are never good enough. They might also use their daughters’ insecurities against them. They use those insecurities to manipulate them. Maternal narcissism is all the more painful for daughters because no one expects mothers to behave in this way. Mothers, by societal norms, are supposed to be care-givers. They are supposed to be the ones that show love. 

Do narcissistic mothers love their daughters?

As previously mentioned, narcissistic moms can appear to love their daughters almost to the point of idolising them. Their love is a distorted kind. A narcissistic mother’s love is usually dependent on whether they are getting what they want from their daughters or not. Books about narcissism will usually point out the selfishness that is linked with narcissism. When a girl grows up with a mother’s love that has conditions attached to it, is she doomed to become exactly like that too? 

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Do daughters of narcissistic mothers become narcissists?

Good books for daughters of narcissistic mothers will not only point to the likelihood of daughters becoming narcissistic, but will also explain steps that can be taken to stop this from happening. It makes a lot of sense why being mothered by a narcissistic mother would make you a narcissist yourself. You would only be mirroring the bahviours you grew up seeing. It is all you know up until a certain point in life when you are older and able to distinguish between right and wrong and understand what emotions your mother makes you feel.

The most useful books for the daughters of narcissistic mothers help you to identify narcissistic traits and determine whether you have become like your mother or not. 

We will look at some of those books in the next section.

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The Most useful books for daughters of narcissistic mothers

  1. The Narcissist Family by Stephanie Donaldson-Pressman

Not only is this very well-written but it is also an easy read. This book approaches the topic of narcissism with a level of understanding which will make the daughters reading this book feel seen. It uses cases studies and offers technique that you can try when dealing with narcissism in the family setting.

2. Narcissistic Mothers and Covert Emotional Abuse by Diana Macey

This one will help you to identify narcissistic tendencies and therefore be able to decipher if your mother was a narcissist or not. It is one of those books for daughters of narcissistic mothers that give guidance on how to heal from being raised by a narcissistic mother.

3. The Covert Passive-Aggressive Narcissist: Recognizing the Traits and Finding Healing After Hidden Emotional and Psychological Abuse by Debbie Mirza

If you need to focus on yourself and how to effect change in your life after dealing with a narcissistic mother, this book may be for you. It gives you clarity on what your path to healing should consist of.

4. Narcissistic mothers and grown up daughters: The hell of narcissistic family by Cecilia Overt

This book helps to shed light on a lot of identity issues that children face. It also helps you to identify if your mother was a narcissist.

5. The Emotionally Absent Mother, Updated and Expanded Second Edition: How to Recognize and Heal the Invisible Effects of Childhood Emotional Neglect by Jasmin Lee Cori

If you do not feel like you had the experience of the typical idea of what a mom should be like, you might enjoy this book. Of course, this means that it is also one of those good books for daughters of narcissistic mothers. It is straightforward and comforting at the same time.

6. Narcissistic Mothers: The truth about the problem with being the daughter of a narcissistic mother, and how to fix it. A guide for healing and recovering after narcissistic abuse by Dr. Theresa Covert

This book is an excellent guide to how to shed your learned narcissistic tendencies. It encourages you to assess your relationships and gain new insights as to how to identify a narcissist.

7. Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life by Susan Forward

It might be time for you to dig deeper when it comes to analysing your relationship with your narcissistic mother. This book will help you to do that as it makes you start to recognize patterns of emotional abuse.

8. Trapped in the Mirror: Adult Children of Narcissists in their Struggle for Self by Elan Golomb

If you want to help someone else to understand what it is like to be raised by a narcissistic parent, this book will help. It is well-written and helps to explain how the children of narcissistic moms feel.

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9. Healing the Adult Children of Narcissists: Essays on The Invisible War Zone and Exercises for Recovery by Shahida Arabi

This writer dissects the personality traits of narcissists and people similar to narcissists. Due to having lived with narcissists, the writer is able to give an insight of narcissism that is seasoned with personal experience.

10. Narcissistic Mothers: The Characteristics of the Narcissistic Parent: Jealousy, Manipulation, Gaslighting. Consequences on Daughters. Recovery from abuse of a toxic relationship with a mother by Elizabeth Ex

With this book, you learn how a narcissist’s mind works and how they manipulate people emotionally. You also get an understanding of how you are affected by having a narcissistic mother.

11. Children of the Self-Absorbed: A Grown-Up’s Guide to Getting Over Narcissistic Parents by Nina Brown

The characteristics and effects of narcissistic parents are delved into in this book. If you grew up with a narcissistic mother, you will find a lot to relate to. You also better understand how to deal with narcissistic parents.

12. Difficult Mothers, Adult Daughters: A Guide For Separation, Liberation & Inspiration (Self care gift for women) by Karen Anderson

Dealing with a difficult relationship with your mom? This is an eye-opening book that may give you some insight as to why your mother-daughter relationship is so tough. It teaches you how to navigate that difficult relationship.

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13. Recovering from Narcissistic Mothers: A Daughter’s Guide by Brenda Stephens

This book will affirm many of the feelings that you have had growing up as the daughter of a narcissistic mom. It cuts straight to the point with no excuses made for any type of behaviour. It drives you to move on from that toxic relationship and guides you as to how to do that.

Are you dealing with healing from a narcissistic mother? I hope that at least one of these books about narcissistic mothers will be of use to you.

Are there any other relevant books that you would add to this list?

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2 thoughts on “13 of the Best Books for Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers”

  1. Pingback: The Ultimate In-Law Gift Guide - Gifts for In-Laws - Kin Unplugged

  2. lorraine frances drake

    yes my mother is one but very quiet and really sweet everybody loves her

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