1. Wake up and think positive thoughts. You will always find what you are looking for, so if you are looking for positive aspects of your spouse or relationship, you will find proof of them throughout the day. For the past 18 years, I’ve started everyday with snuggles. Either my husband rolls over and snuggles me or I roll over and snuggle him. I use that time to set my intentions for the day. I breathe deeply and think about how grateful I am to wake up next to him and the opportunity to do life with him. Then I think about each of my kids, why I’m grateful for them and what I can do for them that day.
Not only does this exercise start my day with gratitude, but it also gives my brain good problems to solve during each day. Your brain is really good at solving problems, so give it good problems and let it do its thing. Some examples might be: How can I feel more connected to my husband? How can I arrange my day, so I have more energy for him after the kids are in bed? What can I do to show each of my kids love today?
2. Throw out your manual. We all have expectations of the way other people should be treating us or showing love, but everyone is different. Notice how your spouse shows you love, even if it’s not how you are used to feeling it. Appreciate their efforts, while learning their love language. Your spouse’s only job should be to be 100% themselves. If you are trying to change him, you are spending precious energy in vain and most of the time will end up frustrated and disappointed. Focus your energy on things you can control, which truthfully is only yourself and your thoughts about any given circumstance.
3. Flirt with and date your spouse like your life depends on it. If this doesn’t come naturally to you, Google or Pinterest it. Flirting is so much fun and it keeps the fire burning. Come up with creative date ideas that you can keep using all the time. Dates don’t need to be expensive or complicated to be effective. Find activities you both enjoy or learn to do something new together.
4. Show gratitude every day and often, even if it is for something small. Remember to praise the effort and not the results. Everyone needs to feel appreciated and your spouse is no different. Thank them for going to work, changing a diaper, helping with the dishes or even just for being themselves. It’s very hard to feel gratitude and negativity at the same time, so choose gratitude whenever possible.
5. Mix it up and spice it up. Put a fun or sexy twist on something mundane and ordinary. Do something crazy to keep life exciting. Remember, life is too short to be taken so seriously. Have fun with each other and look for reasons to laugh together.