3 Simple Options for Dealing with Mom Shaming

mom shaming

Life as mommy can be tough on a daily basis. That’s with the activities that you have to get up to in order to help your children stay alive and healthy each day. Throw in negative commentary on how you’re doing at this ultra important job, and it could become too much to bear. Mom shaming can be exhausting.

Does mom shaming have a definition?

There is no apparent formal Oxford Dictionary mom shaming definition, for example. I would, however, define it as a deliberate attempt to make a mother question her ability to provide love, care or any other kind of support for her child(ren). 

Mom shaming stories can cover anything from making mothers feel bad for working to making mothers feel bad for staying at home to choosing to bottle-feeding over breastfeeding to choosing breastfeeding only. As a mom, you can be made to feel bad for just about anything that you are or are not doing for your children. You can also be made to feel shame by anyone. From your husband to your own mother to a total stranger. We are also capable of mom shaming ourselves.

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Why are other mothers so mean?

As I mentioned above, mom shaming ourselves is also possible. Being too hard on yourself as a mom or expecting more from yourself than is necessary is a big problem faced by moms. It takes a conscious effort to step back, assess situations in your mom life that are stressing you out, and understand how much control you have. Neglecting to do this is essentially being mean to yourself as a mom. When you’re more forgiving to yourself, you’ll also be more forgiving towards other moms. 

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How do you deal with mom shaming? 

There are a few different ways, in my view, to respond to mom shaming.  You may need to use more than one method at one time depending on who you are responding to. 

1. Have some mom shaming comebacks in your arsenal

Mom shaming comebacks are for you to use if you’re the kind of person who doesn’t like to let people get away with unkind comments. Having comebacks for people you try to shame you as a mother are also for you if you just happen to be in the mood for a healthy debate. That’s because you might just be dealing with someone who is argumentative and has decided that their opinion is the only right one. 

2. Completely ignore

This works only if it is a quick statement thrown into a wider conversation. Pretend that you didn’t hear the comment. Skip right over it and do not attempt to address until a later date if you need to. 

3. Feign agreement 

Just go with it. Pretend to fully agree with the person. Not so much by saying anything but just by nodding. Act like you understand. In fact, you truly may be able to understand why they think or feel the way they do. If so, simply mentally remind yourself of their reasoning and that should help you to keep your cool. 

Mom shaming is a difficult thing to experience. It is just as difficult when you catch yourself shaming others or even shaming yourself.

Keep going. There’s more than enough in your mom life to keep you busy. Keep doing the best you can do without killing yourself. Remember to show the same amount of grace to other moms!

How have you dealt with feeling shame as a mother?

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This Post Has 11 Comments

  1. I hear you on this! Mom shaming is the worst when it comes from other moms. Can’t we all accept that we are all just doing our best?

  2. Jen

    People are way too judgmental. Thanks for sharing these helpful tips!

  3. Kristen

    Sadly I bet every mom out there has been on the receiving end of ‘mom shamming’. I try to go the route of tip 3 – just go with it, do not engage. Some people just need to feel like they are better than others.

  4. Janeane Davis

    These steps are good for all kinds of shaming. Shaming happens too often. We all need to have steps ready to fight against it.

  5. Janeane Davis

    These steps are good for all kinds of shaming. Shaming happens too often. We all need to have steps ready to fight against it..

  6. Amy

    I find it so sad that this is a thing we even have to deal with ! We should be lifting each other up.

  7. Supriya

    I have been mom-shamed many times by friends and family. But ignorance is a bliss and my husband keeps telling me that I am the best mum for our child which boosts my morale everytime I have to cross the paths with mom-shamers

  8. Leticia Carpenter

    Ah, I love that your first suggestion is to have comebacks ready! I always recommend witty comebacks for rudeness.

  9. Mamie

    Mom shaming is unacceptable. Usually, I realize that people who to this are unhappy working themselves.

  10. Melissa M Sanchez

    This has become one of the most annoying and discouraging things about motherhood -hearing other moms shaming other moms. It is so sad – I love that you have written this post because it has some really good tips to keep in mind.

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