None of us can be the perfect parent for our children. But as a parent, we always look for our children’s well-being. And without us realizing, raising them already is our number one priority in life.
And this reason leads to the topic that would be discussed in this article today. Having children can cause strain on your marriage. This is true based on the statistic shown here: Unhappy marriage after baby. But how about unhappy couples staying in the marriage for the children’s sake?
When your children have become your number one priority, should you stay in your marriage for the children’s sake no matter how unhappy you are? Or you might want a divorce, but your children make you think that you must wait and check if the situation improves.
If you are facing the same problem, keep reading. This article might give you a new perspective to help you deal with the situation.
Be Clear With Your Decision
A divorce or separation will never be easy for children. But don’t you want your children to grow up and find love with the right person and live happily?
If yes, then you must set the example. I’m not saying that getting a divorce is a good example. But, staying in a toxic relationship and making them feel like “everything is fine” is not the way to make them happy. What will they learn from it?
According to a survey by the family law organization, Resolution, they found out that 82% of those aged 14-22 who have endured family breakups prefer their parents to part if they are unhappy.
That said, your children should not grow up in an environment with people who pretend to love each other. Or worse, people who can hardly act in a civilized manner with each other. They should not think that this is what marriage is. How would it feel when the love is being shaped by an awkward truce?
If you drag things out, your children might learn that marriage is about separation, not union. By staying in your marriage for the children’s sake, you will be teaching them that marriage is about being miserable and rejecting the other.
In fact, if you stay in your marriage for the children’s sake, you will choose mediocrity. Naturally, you’ll make them learn that this is what they can expect from life. You will be choosing to live in fear and your children can perceive your unhappiness.
Remember that children are more perceptive than we think and can understand what is going on in actuality.
1# Ask Yourself This Question: “Is This The Life That I Want For My Children?”
Staying together for children is a horrible idea. However, it does not mean that divorce is automatically the best answer for you. You can always try to improve things for a better quality of life. It is not easy or guarantees anything, but it can lead to a solution.
The effort you make will always be a shining example for your children, that’s where it’s worth staying. But when things get even more toxic to you, it is best to reach an agreement, be it separation or divorce. And for the custody of the children, never hesitate to seek help from a professional to guide you.
2# Staying For The Children Sake Not Gonna Solve Your Problem
Although it may look like a positive patch in the short term, the reality is, staying in a relationship where you don’t want to be, will only bring negative effects for the children. In some cases, children may feel cheated when they get older and discover what happens with their parents.
Unhappy couples can mask the relationship problems by going on a family vacation, as an example. They can continue arguing in another room without the children seeing it.
But, keep in mind, whether you understand it or not, without you realizing they can feel it. Besides, there might be problems that will directly affect the socio-emotional development of your children. Some of these long-term problems are:
- Major depressive disorder
- Anxiety disorder
- Borderline personality disorder
3# Children Learn From What They See
Children might not tell you, but they realize things … You cannot fool them with fake happiness by masking the sorrow. Sooner or later, they also learn how to be with people they don’t love or sacrifice their happiness.
What’s even worse, they will not believe in marriage. This bad experience will haunt them maybe for the rest of their life.
4# Children Might Feel Guilty For Their Parents’ Unhappiness
The children will become sadder and this will affect the other areas of their life. This is so so sad. I can’t imagine their faces if they feel this way. They are too small to bear this kind of thinking. And we should not let them even start to think this way.
I still remember one moment when I had an argument with my husband, we didn’t shout to each other, but it shows on our face that we had a fight. At that time my daughter comes and hugs me, her face is sad like she was telling me to stop. She was just 2 and a half years old at that time and already understood the situation.
Imagine what will happen to your children if you try to hide things from them. Maybe you might not realize, but your unhappiness is written all over your face.
Is It Right To Put An End to an Unhappy Marriage
There is no right and wrong in your decision. What matters is you are clear about your decision. Why do you want to end it? What do you want in your life? What is the best decision for your children? Get a clear answer to this question and you’re free to make a decision.
Some of the parents who don’t go for divorce think they will lose a lot in this situation. They might feel trapped for not having money to live alone and not being able to pay the divorce fees. Or it simply because they are unable to stand with themselves with emotional force to face the situation.
So, for the sake of themselves and their children, they decide to act like a happy couple. As you can read above, this is not the best decision. In the long run, you will only have problems.
That said, ending a relationship is not easy either. If necessary you could ask for professional help to guide you. As an example, you can join any online relationship program or meet the professional relationship coach.
Getting help from the third party can help you see the problem from a different perspective. Who knows, maybe you can repair your marriage with their help. This option also gives you some time and space to make a decision.
But, if you still fail to mend your marriage. The most sensible thing to do is to put an end to your relationship. This might be the best way to ensure good development of your children. And it is important to ensure your children are less affected.
This decision also allows everyone to be happier in the long run, although in the short term it may seem complicated. Your children should live in two happy houses instead of one unhappy house.
Hope this post helps! Please let me know your thoughts in the comment section below.