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11 Vital Things to discuss before having a baby together (+ free printable checklist)

am i ready for a baby
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There are some big parenting questions to ask your partner before having a baby together. There is a lot of work involved once you start a family together.

What should I talk to my partner about before having a baby?

This list is for you if:

  1. you’re getting engaged or you’re newlyweds,
  2. a young couple who are considering conceiving together for the first time, or
  3. already pregnant and awaiting the arrival of your little one.
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Many of the items are parenting questions to ask your partner but in general, they will reveal more about your relationship than just how you will parent. Parenting questions for couples always bring more issues to the surface than one expects.

Why do you need this baby checklist?

From experience, I can say that discussing certain vital things before you go ahead and bring another life into this world is important. This is because otherwise you could have a stressful and/or miserable pregnancy and first few years with your baby. It’s not surprising – it’s a major life change. It takes more time and energy than many first time parents expect.

READ: Which parenting styles best suit you?

the attachment parenting style

Married and unhappy with a baby to boot is not what anyone is aiming for. Those 10 months of pregnancy and first few years with your baby are some of the most cherished ones for any mom. Ask any of your mom friends. These early years are the years that you wish you could bottle up and store away to enjoy again and again later on down the line.


It is tough to find that you’re spending those precious moments arguing about things that, on any other occasion, would be mundane. You could also be arguing over things that are extremely big but could be discussed in a different way. From potty training your baby or toddler to car seats to night feeds to sleep deprivation (that’s a big one). There are any number of issues that could cause an argument.

Indeed, even if you’ve known your partner for many years, it doesn’t guarantee that you know the answer to these questions. Raising children together brings up all the differences in your own upbringing. Neither of you may have considered some of these parenting questions to ask your partner before and may realise that they need to think about the answers longer than you expect.

That will lead you to seeing the differences between you two. That’s why it’s important to talk as much as you can in advance.

RELATED: Things to do before having a baby

things to do before baby arrives

It’s true that there’s very little you can do to emotionally prepare yourself for a baby but there are other ways to prepare. After speaking with some friends, I found that the main points of conflict arose from:

  1. partners not helping out enough
  2. family members/in-laws/extended family butting in where they were not wanted and
  3. financial restrictions.

Somehow, husbands not wanting to help out with the baby seemed to be forgiven more easily than other issues. I wonder why.

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Vital discussion topics for couples

Does having a baby make a relationship stronger? Not necessarily. Infact, it can do the very opposite. Your relationship after baby could take a serious hit if you don’t have the right conversations before you go the baby arrives.

I’ve come up with this list of things to discuss before having a baby. If you have been following this blog for long enough, you will know that I am a fan of checklists. I think that this list will grow as I have more conversations with people and more experience as a parent.

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If you’re about to become a mother for the first time, I promise that these 11 things to discuss before having a baby will save you plenty of valuable time and heartache. Ideally, these are conversations to have before you even conceive, in my view. Maybe even before you get married to your partner.

You may have fundamentally different opinions on how to raise a child and not even be aware of it yourselves. You must work on becoming a united front. Preferably before baby arrives.

Chances are, if you are reading this, you’re either already pregnant or already set on getting pregnant no matter what. These will be useful to you either way.

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If you use it and it changes your perception of whether you are ready for a baby, let me know in the comments. Or email me:


Get the Ultimate List of things to discuss before having a baby

If you find it useful, you will love my Couple’s workbook to help prepare your relationship for a baby.

“Can we do this baby thing?” is an in-depth sit-down conversation delving really deeply into your relationship thus far and where you both stand as individuals. It would be especially helpful to making you feel ready for a baby. Find out how your partner feels about various family and baby topics.

There are many things to discuss before having a baby together and they are ALL in this workbook. Use my baby book – Can We Do This Baby Thing? – to discover even more discussion points. It’s also a fun way to learn more about your partner!

Happy contemplating!

Purchase your Ultimate Baby Workbook
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14 thoughts on “11 Vital Things to discuss before having a baby together (+ free printable checklist)”

  1. It is so important to fully discuss a lot of different things when having a baby! After 3 babies in 4 years, being open and honest will help when discussing your future.

  2. Jen

    These are really good questions to consider! Having a new baby can be so overwhelming. It’s good to have this discussion ahead of time!

    1. Kin Unplugged

      Thanks for visiting, Jen!

  3. Kassandra

    I agree! I fell like you’re never really ready for a baby – so many things can happen along the way. But communication is important so you are prepared the most you can be

  4. Communication is definitely key for any major life event. Great ideas for points to cover!

  5. yes so important to discuss a lot of different things before having a child with someone.

  6. Tiffany

    This is so important. You would think that these things would more common, but they aren’t. This is great

  7. My hubby and I talked quite a bit about kids and the family we wanted to build.

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