You will have heard of the 7-year itch that some couples will swear is real. Others will say that the so-called itch can show up at any point in your marriage past the early honeymoon phase of your relationship. It is good to assess your marriage often to make sure that you’re both happy with your relationship as it is and if necessary, consider rebuilding intimacy in the marriage. If you are wondering how to spice up your marriage today, this article will be useful for you.
11 Actions you can take today
- Say “I love you” like you mean it
It is easy to spit the phrase out as you rush out the house or as part of your “bye” at the end of your phone conversation. Be more conscious of what you’re saying when you say it. Don’t allow it to become an empty phrase thrown at each other daily.
- Remind yourself of his strengths and best qualities
You fell in love with him or decided to marry him for a reason. Hopefully more than one reason. Think about those reasons. Write them down in list form if you can. These will help to take you back mentally to when things were fresh and exciting between you.
- Kiss with passion
Just like you might be throwing out “I love you”, you may also have reached the point where you are giving each other quick obligatory-type pecks on the lips. Consciously slow things down a bit and give him a kiss that you obviously mean today.
- Have sex somewhere other than your bedroom
This may not always be convenient or possible, especially when you have children. It is when you are working at spicing up your marriage after having a baby that you may need to do this even more. Having sex somewhere else apart from your bedroom also reminds you as a couple that there are other ways of doing things. It also helps to remind you of what you were like in your earlier days of marriage and before you had children.
5. Hold hands
It is only a simple form of physical affection but it does rekindle the physical connection and is something you can do anywhere and at any time.
6. Pray together
Speak to God about the disconnect that you feel between each other. Ask Him to heal your marriage and help you to figure out what needs strengthening. The simple act of praying together as husband and wife strengthens your bond because it is a reminder of your initial commitment to each other.
7. Look nice for him
You know what he likes. The things you wear and the way you do your hair that he likes. Go all out for him today.
8. Appreciate opportunities for intimacy
Look out for opportunities for any form of intimacy, from kissing to holding hands to making love.
9. Write a love note
Leave him a note somewhere that he would not expect and tell him something sweet and/or sensual.
10. Talk about your dreams
This is such a great way to bond as it is your opportunity to not only make sure you are on the same page about your future together but also to hear about how your spouse’s hopes and desires may have changed along the way.
11. Ask and answer some sexy and eye-opening questions together
Questions like these can sometimes flow naturally from conversations about your hopes and dreams, as in the point above. However, intentionally taking the time out to answer some deep and/or fun relationship questions can be very refreshing for a relationship and help to spice up your marriage. Here are a few of those questions.
11 Questions to spice up your marriage
- What is the most exciting and memorable thing we’ve done together?
- Do you remember your first ever official date? What was it like?
- What do I do outside the bedroom that turns you on?
- What is your biggest fear about our marriage?
- What do you love the most about me?
- If you could change anything about your past, what would it be?
- What did you think of me when we first met?
- When was the last time you lied to me? Why did you feel you had to lie?
- Is there anything I can do to make you feel more appreciated?
- What are your happiest moments with me?
- Where do you think we will be in 5 years?
Reading books on strengthening marriage in different ways is also a great help. You may not be able to read them together or at the same time. However, they will still provide you with the ideas and hopefully the tools to better understand how to spice up your marriage.
Disclaimer: At no additional cost to you, I may get a small commission for purchases made through some of the links within this page.
Here are a few excellent books that address the topic of how to spice up your marriage life.
5 Books to help you to spice up your marriage
- 4 Essential Keys to Effective Communication in Love, Life, Work–Anywhere!: Including the “12-Day Communication Challenge!
This book goes into detail about how to be a better communicator and a better listener. It gives information on how to be a better listener and therefore also a better conversationalist. It also teaches the importance of being forthright in all kinds of relationships. The book includes a 12-day challenge which enables you to practice what you’ve read and make practical life changes.
This is a 14-day romance challenge that has some really good reviews from people who have taken it. It is described as rather enjoyable – guiding you on how to add little touches to your day as a married couple in order to revive the spark between you. Users have generally found it to be practical and realistic.
For some users of this book, it made a difference where professional counselling could not. It helps you to focus on the positive aspects of your spouse and your marriage. It is clear in its explanation of the differences in communication styles between men and women. This helps you to understand your spouse’s perspective better.
This is a couples’ workbook for couples who are seriously trying to establish and maintain a healthy and long-lasting marriage. It uses practical exercises based on research to help couples understand and eventually respect each others’ perspectives. Very essentially, it also teaches couples how to have healthy disagreements.
If you are not afraid to dig deep and are not easily put off by some sexually explicit content, this book may be for you. As a couple, you’ll make discoveries about more than just your sex life. It teaches the importance of improving yourself as an individual so that you can be better in your marriage as well.
Bringing the spark back into your marriage can seem unachievable when you feel like you have hit the lowest point in your relationship and there is little to no communication. Start to take action today using the tips provided above and invest in some literature as well to provide you with the tools to communicate better.
If you believe yourself and your partner will benefit from having a third party intervene to guide you, getting a relationship coach is an excellent option.
Online-Therapy.com has personal marriage therapists who are trained in a wide range of areas from intimacy to parenting to life changes. They tailor their help to suit your needs and this may be the perfect way for yourself and your spouse to get ideas on how to spice up your marriage and the tools on exactly how to do so.
What have you done in the past to spice up your marriage?
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